Tuesday, May 12, 2015

8 more drabbles from the City of the Saved

8 More Weekend Sights To See In the City of the Saved. [Extracted from popular weekly part work, ‘1 trillion things to see before you’re still not dead.’]
Kiaryunatavia: is the seacoastless principality, which is vying to oust Zenda from its role as pre-eminant mittle-european 18th  Century. With its metamorphic royal family, one member of which is guaranteed to fully resemble each visitor, and its combination of easy going hedonism, and strict visual code of conduct, Kaiaryunatavia has, since the days of its founder, magician, demagogue, and misunderstood womaniser Doctor Farcetus (whose statue shows him being surprised with his trousers around his ankles by a Priest) provided a home away from home for the buxomly clumsy, and the erotically inept. Suitable for klutus interruptus and 1970s England fetishists.    
Scienceopolos presents the antiseptic image of the prehistoric ‘city of the future’ – it has the lines of an autoclave designed by a committee – and is an amusing day out for any student of archetechtonics. Its inhabitants who live in Surburbanopolos, next door, commute to Scienceopolos on the Morbius Railway: noted for having had the only collision of one train, on one track since the Pagwell Incident of Earth Antiquity. Followers of Celebrity Remakes are advised to look out for Jack the Ripper. Despite an ongoing law-suit with Harlan Ellison, Scienceopolos is open every weekend, except for Lawyer’s Eve and Scroogemas.
Not a place but a process – at least according to its advertising – the present Game is now in its 11,002nd year. Just by reading this you have of course lost, but if you can stumble upon it without having heard of it, and penetrate its sanctum sanctorum, without comprehension or memory, you may be voted Gamesmeister and end this cycle. Do what you need to without choice in the name of peace and sanity, while avoiding the metaphorical snake and reaching Mornington Crescent!  Neophytes to the great game may wish to limber up with Fairy Chess, Calvinball, or even Fizbin.
Check your brain at the door for the Zombie-apocalypso Roller-disco. Skate through the avenues and alleyways of a OnceGreatMetropolis(tm) while chowing down on the flavoured brain-pans of our genuine anecephalic cloneoids (the ones in green are organic, the ones in yellow entirely formed from vegetarian proteins, the orange both halal and kosher). Put the glide into shambling where the dinner is rambling!  Book ahead and eat yourself! Simply send a tissue sample one month in advance of your visit. “Five stars Yummy!”: Gastro-horror Magazine, “Who could have thought the old man had so much blood in him!”: Shakespeare About.
In the dark forests of the Brechtenwald Cabaret – thrill to the tall tales, and mighty thews, of the Nazi She-men – as they reconstitute primitive tri-gender mysticism, while modelling the best in PostWWIII prepreWarGermanicNostalgia. It’s fishnets and stone knives in the dark for those brave enough to be trepanned or sexchanged in the most brutalist way.  Even though it doesn’t hurt you’ll still get the thrill of people wondering why you went through with this!  When gender was in the closet, rather than an option found ‘in the closet’ these confused fellows terrorised Europe, now they’ll give you a good time! 
Smallanimalisles: the chain of Japanesesque islands entirely given over to the lifecycles of the cuter cuddly animals, is well worth a visit. Now it’s twinned with the Biogenesisisles – a dedicated archepelego-space in which real-time evolution is being run by teams of Long Term Experimentalists. While none of the carefully scrubbed, and de-lifed, sterile spaces have yet to spontain: Scientists hope that over eternity reruns of evolution will finally show whether or not humanity was inevitable. The isles can not be visited directly but they can be watched from ‘hides’. Be the first to spot the transition of life from lifelessness!
Take part in a full re-enactment of a ‘General Election’(tm) with all the pre-event fun, reproduced by brain implantation memory techniques. Stay up late and squeal as your favoured party is decimated, or halloeed to victory – revel in your entirely temporary and completely safe belief that everything depends on this! Then awake to a broader wider saner world, knowing that except for City Politics such things are far behind us.  You’ll laugh! You’ll cry, you’ll never understand why those bastards(tm) got in! (All election results generated by quasischotastic techniques guaranteed to alarm and surprise.) Afterwards: YOU CAN WAKE UP NOW.
Enjoy the slow-events at the tardilympics, from snail racing, through “running with the sloths”. See athletics in slowtime, and the miracle of ‘slo-mo bionics’ which turn spectator sports into true frozen art in which every lunge, twirl, and spin, hangs in the air like a pin-up tacked to the fabric wall of space-time itself!  But hurry, it won’t last for ever – it’ll just seem like it! Fans of this new form of entertainment can also try slowfeed in their own homes including such high tension programmes as: When Paints Dry!  Hundred Year Innings Cricket, and the famous City Politics Review.
(Drabbles 9-16 in an occasional series of 100. The City of the Saved is the intellectual property of Philip Purser-Hallard and appears here by kind permission. The authors of "1 trillion things to see before you're still not dead" accept no responsibility for the above sights not being part of any City of the Saved specific individuals may (i) read about, (ii) experience after their subjective or objective death. Readers experience the sights above at their own risk, post-mortem, albeit in a low to no risk environment.)

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