Thursday, November 20, 2014

Book Sales

Like most unintended consequences, the result of the macrosoft analysis of all book sales, reviews, and onweb commentry, has when correlated with certain other statistics, produced surprising results.

Results which we at THANATOS BOOKS are now proud to offer as a bespoke literary book club service.

There is, if you consider it logically, a platonically best book for each individual - the one most suited to their needs, most in tune with their psyche, phrased so falicitously as to thrill them to the core.  Many people never encounter the real book that most approximates this work - and perhaps writers are always trying to create it - but this pinnacle can be approached.  We all of us, who read, have had the experience of a new text fitting into our minds like a piece into a jigsaw - perhaps so comfortably that we read it every year, or so perfectly that we never have to read it again.

Just so, there are also other MAXIMISED books - there is the one a particular person will find DULLEST, for its prose evades his or her eyes, it causes no images to form within the mind; it drones and waffles, it obfuscates, and does not involve, it may - although it need not - deal with dry facts, or specifically obscure wish-fulfillment.

We do not here, sell either of those two kinds of books.

We sell the books that are most compelling to an individual, but also most destructive. They are not dull - indeed to read a sentence from one properly targetted is to have to read on - but they are antipathic to their intended reader.  They interfere with the functioning of the mind, they break and reform the psyche, they bring down the blackness that lies on the other side of the page. They can, and do cause suicides - or even the shuttting down of the central nervous system.  Yet because they are so finely targetted, so precise, in their point by point demolition of their victim, they need contain nothing that would disturb a bystander, or - as it might be - the police.

Simply complete the detailed form below, setting out the details of the recepient and we will supply either in plain brown paper, or if you wish - gift wrapped with a message - the book most calculated to DESTROY your chosen victim.  Indeed we are so confident in our algorithmic linkage of book purchases to deaths that we are prepared to offer the THANATOS MONEY BACK GUARANTEE.  A complete refund if the recipient lives more than 2 months after the receipt of the TOME in question.


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