King Rattle's Song

I am the very model of a villain who’s reptilian
I scorn your callow panto tricks from traditions vaudevillian
I’ve disdain both for cowboys, with their chapped, bow-legged horseman’s gait
And as for those so-called ‘natives’! They came here across the Baring Strait.

Chorus
And as for those so-called ‘natives’ they came here across the Baring Strait.
And as for those so-called ‘natives’ they came here across the Baring,
Baring Strait!

It matters not if you came on the Mayflower or the Sain’t Marie
or stood with Cortez goggling at the first sight of the Western Sea,
Or sat with fabled Sitting Bull before the massed Apache braves,
You're all just Sitting Ducks to me, I’ll see you back beyond the waves.

Chorus
You're all just Sitting Ducks to me, I’ll see you back beyond the waves.
You're all just Sitting Ducks to me, I’ll see you back beyond the waves.
Beyond, beyond the waves!

The scales of justice are my scales, snakes will no longer brook mistakes
Made by a lot of mammals who have never given us the breaks
Mammals to me are nothing but, a writhing mass of dirty rats
[pause, voice 'dirty rats...oh dear..wait I have it!....']
Who’ve earned a solid whuppin for their treatment of invertibrates

Chorus
Who’ve earned a solid whuppin for their treatment of invertebrates
Who’ve earned a solid whuppin for their treatment of invertebrates
Their treatment of invert, invertebrates.

[Song proposed for but unused in 2009 Panto, instead I sang "Lord it's hard to be humble", and "Don't stop me now" both of which were big hits, so the Director was quite right to reject my G&S pastiche as 'clever, but not panto enough'.]

[Post for 6th May 2009]