The Lament Of Porthos’ favourite wench shortly after the events of the
I've got the lowdown now, on the slowdown now, that's happened to my love.
He used to swash his buckles, be the first to kiss a glove
But now he's disconsolate as that mopy D'Artagnion
More Amiss than that priestling Aramis,
And he doesn't leave his couch to steal a kiss.
I know what put the port in Porthos, it’s drink that's done away
With the full on Port, Porthormance, I was hoping for today.
(I had a rhyme most excellent I was going to use here
but it depended on my remembering the other Musketeer).
Oh it's a sad De Winter, come after the hopeful spring
When a lover's worn himself out with too much adventuring.
I don't regret the time he spent saving the Duke of Buckingham
I just regret he's lost his urge for wenching and for tucking in.
(I know the Duke's name can be shortened to the Duke of Bucks,
But that would be more vulgar so I'll skip it thankee, ducks).
They brought the jewelled necklace, they saved the Queen's honour
But they didn't save no energy for a lady’s hot amour.
Oh well I'll leave him dozing, and I'm supposing that there is
Something to be gained from this from his Eminence the Gris,
For when you've lost another plot and the Musketeers have hurt you
You might well be a Cardinal, but you've given up on virtue.
So I'm off to the Palais Versailles to have a drink or two
And see what a nice girl can do with a rich man called Richleu.