Saturday, March 24, 2012

Tweets 20th Feb to 22nd March 2012

Thirst4Lawyers for all your vampire related injury claims.

#grocerybondfilms The Man With The Golden Syrup

Is insulting a small scotsman taking the mickle?

cornetto: fancy cheap supermarkets #UED

Friction, my hardcore printed on sandpaper novel also contains braile sex scenes for blind S&M devotees.

Imagining: confessing to drinking G&T #UED

I've invented a new form of hardcore fiction called friction it's printed on sandpaper.

Zen is basically manic depressive. First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is a mountain.

#battlestargalacticahorror Adamageddon and Apollocalypse Now

#battlestargalacticahorror Boxy Helena

Trying to distract myself. Look Over There!!!

#battlestargalacticahorror Joan Crawford is Roslin From The Grave #battlestaroystercult

#bbcqt In an effort to stop war-bingeing Government to raise taxes on weapons.

#bbcqt If we don't stay until more people die, we betray the people who've died so far.

Far Future paleohistorians attempt to create Faberge Park, based on fundemental misconception of extinct human biology.

#battlestargalacticahorror Mega-Gaeta Vs Killer Shark

#battlestargalacticahorror PolterGaius

#battlestargalacticahorror I Know What You Did Last, Adama

#battlestargalacticahorror Death Thrace 2000

#battlestargalacticahorror Cylons of The Lambs.

Nodule: particularly sleepy Christmas. #UED

My dog emulation softwares got no nodes. How does it smell? By modelling chemical reactions holistically.

Priceless: Why SAW isn't a patch on The Abominable Doctor Phibes. #UED

Concise can not be used where there is life: Circumlocution and Hyperoxysophisticalparadoxology have been assigned.

#misdescribedsf Blakes Seven: you'll love the upbeat musical final episode.

Skin golems are made from shed skin of the dermomancer. This can be effective as in an emergency they can quickly be built from scratch.

#bbcqt Under the new system fares will not rise but stations will be moved nearer together.

#bbcqt Dangerous extremeists demand something similar to non-dangerous privileged.

#bbcqt Right to follow long standing lunacy upheld.

#bbcqt "I don't think we're that far apart, Will." True enough he's just over there.

Proposal to allow gay haircuts undermines hetrosexual barbering. #bbcqt

#bbcqt Afghanistan is it really safe for long-haired dogs?

We are indeed out of our tiny minds, we apologise to gourmand psychovores and hope they will not reject the large economy pack brand.

#veryenglishapocalypses. Accidental Birth of An Antichrist

#veryscottishapocalypse Burns Night

#veryenglishapocalypses On the Beach in bloody November with an ice cream

#veryenglishapocalypse The Battle of Notting Hill vs Love Actually

#veryenglishapocalypse A civil ceremony and a blessing thereafter for Leiibcowitz

#VeryWelshApocalypse EisDEADford

#veryenglishapocalypse "The Death Of Class"

I'm sorry someone seems to have hacked my account, do not open any messages headed UNEASY, they are nothing to do with me. OH NO!

How stale flat and unprofitable is this life save when certain people shine like fires and cast their joy over the stones.

Polymath: asking one of your lovers to help. #UED

Never cross a black cat, always cross a vampire, what if the vampire has a black cat hmm?

History's a dangerous subject man, most of the people ever involved with it die, it's like statistically significant and shit. Anyone following the shocking Freedom of Information revelations about the U.N.E.A.S.Y can do so here. #UNEASY

We don't claim our missions are impossible, they're just U.N.E.A.S.Y.

I always get cramp cleaning shellfish - I hate straining a mussel.

Lying is one of the things that sets humans aside from all but the most dishonest animals.

#wetfilms An anenomie of the people.

#wetfilms Bring Me The Waterbed of Alfredo Garcia #isihac

#wetfilms Frogridden Planet.

My life may be looking up this year. I've entered several limbo dancing contests.

Cadaver: Just the sort of thing a cad would do. #UED

#Cockneytarot Tower Bridge Struck By Lightning / The Hanging Geezer / The Star Tandori / The Sun on Sunday / Deaf

Assiduous: shows his bottom in summer *and* winter. #UED

The STEEDS of Instruction are fiercer than the BONDS of
wraith. #TheMenFromBLAKE

OPERATION CHRIST - The board game. Can you remove the spear from His side and sponge His face with vinegar without setting off the buzzer?

I don't believe it was ever explained in books UNEASY Spies the head that steals the crown / Midshipman UNEASY / UNEASY does it.

U.N.E.A.S.Y edgiest and most highly caffinated of the 1960s secret agencies, they took the agents U.N.C.L.E. and CONTROL rejected.

So when private companies hired by the police break the law, who investigates them - their employers? What if there's an industrial dispute?

Heston Blufullstrengthtar, less healthy than Heston Blumenthal

#Earth-2 originally a gentle and nostalgic DC earth where stories that no longer fittered current timelines retire: now, it seems, edgy crap.

Cooking for Intelligent Apes with Charlton Heston Blumenthal #celebmixtv

Comedy Central's "comedy threesome" : particularly ungainly sex act, that satisfied nobody. #UED

They're not just police. Their firm muscled, clear eyed, fine brained, adaptable and polite M&S police. #Begoodtoyourself

Dr Spooners objections to overly melodramatic drama was taken as a diatribe about peculiar vampires #angst-fodder #fangst-odder

Sasquatch - more dangerous than the normal military quatch

#geolexixography confirms : cleanliness next to godliness, klutziness next to punyiness, desirableness next to unobtainableness, fearfulness next to loch ness.

disingenuous: saying, for example, "Enuous is fat and smelly" #UED

Many children were branded witches. WitchesRus were paying to advertise on children's skin that year.

A few people liked my books. Of course it would help if the few people were Steve Moffat, the head of Gollancz, and Bill Gates...

trailer homes, for people who can't get into the movies.

Like a sentimental human plant hybrid I always cry at weedings.

"My name's Kong, King Kong : OSI's most special agent, I hear your make a mean martini Mr Bond." #DrNoOnSkullIsland

My names Manhunt, Maneater Manhunt - hmm maybe that came out a bit gayer than I envisaged.

#cablenowandnext City Shark Attacks Maneater Manhunt - Nat Geo Wild - ah City Shark and Maneater Manhunt, natural enemies.

The Tomorrow Peoples' brief stint as web-critics ended when they wore out their taunting belts.

#cheaperfilms The Best Exotic Marigold Gloves

#cablenowandnext Emergency Vets Bear Women - Animal Planet - how sexist of them

#cablenowandnext Hustle Mary Reilly. Sony TV - well I know the film did badly, but give her a break

#oscars Kermit is the only actor to have won in both the live action and cartoon categories, both in error.

Running from the sands of time / I find the silver slipping by / as easy as a gin and lime / that's spilled across the surface of the sky

#humancentipede3 to be #humanouruoburos

Turquoise: Not unlike a Turqtle. #UED

#bodyfilms A funny thing happened on the way to the forebrain

#bodyfilms catalepsy on a hot tin roof

#bodyfilms Back to the Future of Chiropracty

#bodyfilms Planet of the Appendix

#bodyfilms The Phantom Pregnancy of the Opera Singer

#bodyfilms Invasive surgery of the body snatchers

#bodyfilms Twenty thousand ligaments under the knee

#bodyfilms Journey to the centre if the girth

Princess Of Powys #welshshe-ra

Composite Picture: photo of Nora Batty. #UED

Verbose: breakfast cereal in. the shape of 'doing' words. #UED

I pithy the fool who don't like conciseness.

The Guild of Antichrists annual general meeting ended in acrimony when Senator G____ refused to say Disgrace.

#30thcenturyconcerns Overuse of FTL linkages in hypercomputers is affecting local space-time #globalwarping

I've recently taken up weaving with giant reeds. What a Rush.

Do not send to ask for whom the Bell tolls. Details can be found on the bell-ringer's website.

If there is no such thing as free will, why do some people not believe in it?

I didn't say I was an atheist I said I was athirst #disclaimeramanatheist #disclaimerandavampire

#Thoughtfortheday aaaaaarrrrrrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhahhhhahggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahhhahh

#radio4 how dare you ask a complicated question of the government.

#thingsreligionsdontlike having to face their bigotry.

After all Mr Crippling does make exceedingly hard to reject threats.#thedarksideoffrenchfancies

#cleanslasherkillers Latherface

#Monsterchef #Cthulhumythoschef SaintToadInTheHole#tsathoggua

Newtons first law of gravy. Gravy = (mmm iness of ingredient 1 x mmm iness of ingredient 2) / the distance to your nose squared

Like birds eggs to wanton boys are we to the Gods, fragile collectables lucky if we remain intact after getting blown out.

Since deputising the inhabitants of Monster Island crime in Japan has basically ceased.#Clodzilla

Deadliest Bees the ones from H.I.V.E. under MODOCH {Machine Orgainism Designed Only for Collecting Honey)

Contrariness: Not gettin' any. #UED

#MusicalPrimeMinisters #InOrder
The Taking Of Henry Pelham 123 #Wellthefilmhadmusicdidntit
We Don't Need No Spencer Compton
Goin' 3rd Ear of Sunderland, Goin' Sunderland
Viscount Stanhope With Me
Just Another Brick in the Walpole

#MusicalPrimeMinisters #Scousesongs In My Lord Liverpool Home / The Leaving of Lord Liverpool

The discovery that Cardinal Richeleau was a secret convert to the Goddess Kali confirmed his position as the Eminence Kris. #History101

I get involved behind the scenes of movements. I call this standbactivism.

Cobbling piss is difficult, I used to think you could never get a clegg to hold fast in piss until I saw the Coalition.

Tate Modem : the museum of the Internet

Mattress: Feminine form of Matthew. (archaic) #UED

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