Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Petty Cash: New CSi5M!

TAX RULES!

(apologies to Marty Robbins, and with respect to both him and Johnny Cash)

To the local branch of Argos came a stranger one fine day
Hardly spoke to folks around him didn't have too much to say
No one dared to ask his business no one dared to make a slip
for the stranger there among them had the tax rules on his lip
Tax rules on his lip.

It was early in the morning when he slapped the papers down
He took them from his briefcase that was black an’ leather-bound
He was there to do an audit – how the rumour swiftly bit
And he'll grind blood from the business with the tax Rules on his lip
Tax rules on his lip.

Now the manager of this Argos he was known as Cheatin’ Slim
Never declared half his income didn’t think the rules meant him.
He was slimy and officious though a youth of twenty four
And the errors on his tax forms numbered one an nineteen more
One and nineteen more.

Now the stranger started talking made it plain to folks around
He was a Tax Inspector wouldn't be too long in town
He came here to do the books whether Argos was in the red
And he said it didn't matter he just wanted facts he said.
Wanted facts he said.

Well now Cheatin’ Slim came smiling from his office in the back
Wasn’t worried by the Tax man 'cos the revenue was slack.
Twenty times they’d tried to audit, twenty times they’d made a slip
Twenty one would be the Tax man with the tax rules on his lip
Tax rules on his lip

The morning passed so quickly with the help of a spreadsheet
It was twenty past eleven when they walked out in the street
Folks were watching from their windows every-body viewed the scene
They knew this Tax Inspector wasn’t going to get a bean.
Wasn't going to get a bean.

There was forty feet between them when they entered Pret A Manger
And the swiftness of the Tax man is still talked about to-day
Cheatin’ Slim had bought a sandwich with the proceeds from his clip
And that’s just undeclared income said the Tax rules on his lip
Tax rules on his lip.

It was over in a moment and the folks had gathered round
There before them lay the sandwich of the cheater on the ground
Oh he might have gone on eating but he made one fatal slip
When he tried to match the Tax Man with the tax rules on his lip
Tax rules on his lip.

Tax rules. Tax rules.
Because only Death’s as certain as the grip of the Tax rules, Tax rules.


Simon BJ

3 comments:

Tardieu said...

God I loved Big Iron when I was a kid. I used to make my little brother be Texas Red all the time, poor guy.

Tardieu said...

I justput Big Iron on and sang these words along to them, they fit perfectly. Well done (funny too, says the guy studying for his tax agents certification).

Site Owner said...

The type of parody that consists of replaing words (like this and the Arkham musical crap songs elsewhere on my blog) is so easy that I *do* try not to resort to it. *All* the real work has been done by the original song writer(s). I'll try to right something *in the style* of this next, which will be harder (see the Pogues or Meatloaf parodies for examples of that.) As a general rule I don't do 'parodies of things hated to show how bad they are' I'd rather bask unfairly in the glow of someone else's talent!!

Simon BJ